Some excellent reading from my sister in faith at Emphatic Asterisk

I have been very much in hibernation over the winter, but I am waking up now 🙂

Lindsay has been doing some wonderful writing over on her blog, so I am posting links here to her recent writing. It is definitely worth a read, including the the comments. There is a lot to be gained from the discussion that goes on, and Lindsay’s posts attract some great discussion. Anyhow, here they are.

What your church can gain from Homosexuals 

Gay people don’t need you to fix them 

Awkward Questions 

Happy reading.

Josh

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Counseling, WYD and other matters.

It takes a long time for wounds to heal, especially when the cut is 5 years deep. And it doesn’t take a lot to reopen them either. Luckily, if you are surrounded by caring people, they are able to help you through. A a little professional assistance can help too, especially when that outside help is emotionally removed from the whole situation.

In all my years, I have always been afraid to seek outside help for my problems, but on this occasion, I have had to accept it lest I was to remain in a debilitated state.

I am still not convinced, but I will admit I have been feeling better for it.

WYD occurred last week, unfortunately I missed much of it. My family was quite involved, being volunteers over the city. And many friends were hosts to pilgrims. Good reports all around. 

There were a number of SSA support events too, two of which I knew about. One official, one unofficial. I attended neither of them, although a part of me thinks I missed out on a chance. Spiritually, I still have a lot of growing to do.

I was disappointed by a certain lack of compassion on the part of the Church in the way they handled the abuse victims. Cardinal Pell seemed extremely cold, and his whole demeanor in the staged press conferences was one of utter inconvenience, irritation and disinterest in the plight of those genuinely wronged. And after the secretive event held with four unnamed abused victims, he took on a tone of vindication, and practically washed his hands saying all had been put right! I think there is a long way for the Church to come in reconciling these matters.

And the answer, might I add, is not a witch-hunt to find SSA priests. I’m sure a great many SSA priests live out their spiritual lives in complete communion with God, and do not seek sinful passions in the way a small minority have done.

Over the last few weeks, I have befriended a Religious Order Priest (as opposed to a Diocesan Priest) out there in the world. Gives me hope that there is compassion for us out there. And for the last few months, I have another good SSA friend out there in the world, part of a lay religious order who has offered untold friendship, support and spiritual advice.

I am not anti Church, I am seeking better understanding and compassion from those out there who do not know what it is like to walk in these shoes.

For a short time I participated in the Courage On Line (COL) yahoo group. Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion it’s not for me, and I don’t think I would be prepared to attend a local chapter if one started in Sydney. It probably does helps some people, but I find the constant reminder that we are broken, fallen people very unhelpful. That is not to say that I’m perfect, or that we start telling lies to suit ourselves, but I feel that people in my situation are emotionally fragile, and need some better support other than the trite, throw-away cliches that are consistently used.

To those on my prayer circle page, I continue to keep you in my prayers. Thank you for your prayers too.

Until my next post…

Catholic Church and 2nd class citizens

I  have been reading a lot of writing on the internet in regards to the Catholic Church’s response to SSA (gay) Priests. It is an appalling state of affairs that the Church is scapegoating SSA priests as the excuse for the sexual abuse of children that has come to light in recent years.

I can honestly say, that I find the very idea of any form of child abuse extremely appalling, let alone sexual abuse. But the Church seems convinced that homosexuality is the cause of paedophilia. It’s very cruel for those of us out there who are SSA to be lumped in like that. The result of this action is to foster hatred for people who are homosexual people.

I suppose it comes with the territory, where sins of murder and rape are commonly compared to homosexual acts, usually with the latter being more heinous than anything else. 

The other common thing to say is that homosexual’s are “fallen”, and thus just more sinful than anyone else. 

The church is certainly discriminatory and has classes of people. Even disabled people are a lesser class. Just recently a story about a couple where the groom was a paraplegic, and hence impotent, and the Bishop denied them the opportunity to marry. 

This just opened up a whole can of worms for me. Reading deeper into church teaching on marraige, it seems the Sacrament of marriage is not complete until it is consumated! This is in canon law.

Note that the same standard does not apply for an infertile couple. So they can marry, but their union will not include children, ie not open to procreation, but that is ok. Its the sex that is important. Its what completes the sacrament. And there is a thread where things get so involved inside the bedrooms of couples as to what is acceptable sex? Permissible sex

So what is marriage anyone?

I think the whole gay marriage debate should be closed. SSA people don’t need marriage. They just need legal protection in terms of finances, next of kin, visitation rights in hospital etc. And really, these are not only for homosexual couples, but for any two people who are living together, eg two sisters, or close friends.

Some of the real fire in my mind has come from the Catholic Forum. I’ll post the links here to the discussion. I have found some of the topics, as well as the responses of ordinary Catholic people very striking in their closed-minded, judgmental manner. 

Homosexual Intercourse vs. Suicide

Catholics: Can homosexual sex acts really be commited in “invincible ignorance” ?

scripture and homosexuality

So is it impossible to argue against same-sex marriage?

There is a certain thoughtlessness, lack of charity and compassion from many people who do not understand what kind of emotional turmoil it is to be SSA and Catholic. They just like to lecture to you and quote biblical passages, or use trite catchphrases like “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. Even when you are not arguing against Catholic and Scriptural teaching.

I guess what I am getting at here is that many Catholics do not like to follow this line from the Catechism:

“2358 … They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided…”

Just a rant I guess.

 

SSA Relationships

After a little bit more reading, the waters become murky again.

There are a lot of conflicting arguments on what sort of relationship two Catholic SSA people can have.

Reading more posts on http://forums.catholic.com, the advice is that people with SSA are expected to live according to the Church’s teachings and carry their cross of chastity. Not only that, but we are expected to live alone, but know that we aren’t really alone as we have God in our lives.

There are, however examples out there, that prove two Catholic SSA people can live together, in a chaste lifestyle. David Morrison’s life is an example of such a relationship. He calls it friendship, but I still think it is more than this. 

Discussion on Dreadnought also seems to indicate there is room for two SSA people to share an intense, close relationship, while not involving sexual acts. He sites an example of such close friendship between John Henry Cardinal Newman and Ambrose St. John.

Likewise, an example of two saints, St Sergius and St Bacchus, is mentioned on the Acceptance Sydney website.

I go back to my argument that God created a companion for Adam so that he would not be alone. I don’t think he ever intended man to be alone, we are not made that way. And yes, he has created people with SSA. I have been created this way. It obviously can’t be a mistake. But even so, I still require that close companionship that heterosexual people call marriage.

Update later:

Lindsey over at *! [emphatic asterisk] has written an interesting piece today on Attraction and Potential. Her point is that while physical attraction may play a part in two people getting together, there has to be a lot more for it to become anything meaningful, and all people, homosexual or heterosexual, need and want that more meaningful aspect in their lives.

On a side note, I have to add, this last week has been deeply encouraging. I have had a few people contact me through this website. It helps to know that one is not alone out there. For those who find this blog and are burdened, I hope that it brings you some comfort, and helps to answer some of the questions that don’t seem to have answers. 

God Bless,

Josh

Another story: Catholic and Gay – Thoughts on the essential nature of love

Hi all,

I just wanted to draw your attention to this article I came across, written by David Morris. As I’m not sure I can republish it here, I have provided an excerpt and highly recommend you read the whole article.

I came to chastity because I loved my partner so much. I’m a veteran of a 17-year-long committed relationship with another man. It’s a deep friendship, and it has been since almost the moment we met. It was sexually active for the first seven years, and then—after I became a Christian, after I began reflecting on what Scripture and tradition had taught for 2,000 years—I went to my partner and said, “I love you. Can we please stop having sex?”

A good article which reflects on the non-sexual parts of a close relationship. Proof that SSA people can and do have meaningful, long term, and if not , life long relationships.

More on same-sex cohabitation – Can SSA Catholics live together?

In my constant search for understanding, I have joined a Catholic forum. Here is my query, and the very kind Fr. Vincent has replied so quickly.

sydcatholic80 May 25, ’08 11:54 pm      How does a Catholic with same sex attraction cope with loneliness?   I have done much soul searching, and reading on the internet. I accept what the Catholic Church says through the Catechism on this issue. I can accept that in upholding my faith, the Catholic Church teaches I must be celibate (as is the case for anyone who is not married). This does not trouble me.      What is troubling me, and there does not seem to be answer on this point, can two Catholics who are homosexual live together in a relationship that is celibate, but filled with love and closeness? Is this sort of relationship acceptable? It is a frightening thought to have to spend the rest of my life alone, and I am praying hard. Is my outlook so bleak? Did God intend for me to have to live my life alone? Any guidance is greatly appreciated. Joshua

Fr. Vincent Serpa May 26, ’08 1:12 pm      Re: Being Catholic and Homosexual   Dear Joshua,      That’s a great name you have there! The Church would frown on two people of the same sex with same sex attraction living together because it could easily be an occasion of sin for them. It would be safer it one of them did not have same sex attractions. But living with someone is no guarantee against loneliness. One can be surrounded be people and be lonely. On the other hand, one can live alone and not be lonely. The key lies in the difference between loneliness and solitude. People try to flee from loneliness, but actually seek solitude.  For the Christian, solitude is not just the absence of the commotion and activity of the crowd. It is the state of being alone while realizing that one is not alone. It comes from confronting loneliness by going inside and finding that God has been there all along. This is what the contemplative does. Reflecting on Good Friday and confronting the pain that our Savior endured for us is to begin to know what it means to be loved. It is to know the Companion of our lives who never leaves us excluded and alone. I encourage you to spend time before the tabernacle in His Eucharistic presence. You may contact me privately here by clicking on my name if you want to discuss this further. You are in my prayers. Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

I can understand the points he has put to me, and I plan to reflect on this. I notice, just like in my last post, that there is no scriptural basis, or Church law that prevents two people to live chaste lives together.

It might be “frowned upon”, but the Church leaves room for ones own conscience for guidance in matters where there is no explicit direction. 

updated later:

I have also seen reference to creating scandal. I must say, why do we worry what our neighbour does? We cannot see into his heart and mind to know what their intent is, so how can we judge them? Should we be judging them? God is ultimately our judge. Jesus also said, remove the stake from your own eye, before removing the splinter from your brothers eye. If two people are living together, we shouldn’t be presuming sin. Even the law of the land has a presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Life is a constant battle with sin and temptation. In reflecting on my life to date, this is very true. Now with my eyes more open than they have been for some time, I am more aware of myself, and I pray each day to remain in a state of grace. 

I know I have the internal fortitude, and with my prayers, and those of my friends, family and church community, and knowing the love of God, I can overcome my temptations.

I believe though, that love is something God gave us all, and Jesus demonstrated that love repeatedly while on this earth, and through His ultimate sacrifice for us. I do not believe that my love for another is sinful. And I don’t believe He would lead me into a life of loneliness. My own conscience tells me I am capable of loving someone deeply in a chaste way. My own conscience tells me two people can love and support each other in this way. This world does not care for those who are alone, how is it fair to expect someone to then to have to live alone? I don’t believe God would condemn me for seeking out a companion for life.

I’m not trying to be provocative, nor disrespectful or disobedient to the Catholic Church and Her teachings, but I am merely trying to raise some discussion on a point, and discover the answers to my questions.

I think debate is a healthy mechanism in discovering the truth.

Well those are my thoughts for today. Always happy for comments.

Should SSA Catholic’s Have Boyfriends? – Thread on the Facebook group “Dreadnoughters”

I decided to take a peek at John Heard’s group “Dreadnoughters” on Facebook. It has a discussion board, and I think it is fostering a lot of healthy debate on topical issues.

I found this thread “Should SSA Catholics Have Boyfriends?“.

I feel, given what was discussed here, that there is hope for SSA Catholic’s seeking to have fulfilling and holy relationships.

Erik Huntzicker had this to say at the end of the thread:

“People, and institutions, can be wrong.”

But God cannot be wrong. Catholics believe that the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ, i.e. God, and therefore entrusted it with the guardianship of His truth. The moral teaching of the Church – especially when seen as also guided by the Holy Spirit – is therefore not seen as a human invention, an institutional behavior code, but as the command of God himself.

Therefore, if one stipulates to the divinity of Christ and to the fact the He founded the Catholic Church, then the Church’s teachings MUST be viewed as authoritative.

This does not mean that the Church has something to say on every little detail of life. For instance, it is clear that the Church teaches homogenital sex to be wrong. But the Church is silent on whether two men who are homosexually inclined can live together in chastity for the purposes of mutual love and support. In these cases the Church teaches the Christian to invoke prudential judgment and use his conscience – hopefully well formed – to make the best decision.

So there is considerable freedom to act within the Catholic moral framework, given that the intent of the one acting is in the spirit of Catholic moral teaching and for the greater glory of God. This is where a “faithful SSA Catholic” – or any faithful Catholic – can become mightily confused. It is expected that people of good will will disagree on many matters governed by “prudential judgment”.

Having this “externally imposed” moral structure does not relieve the Catholic of making moral decisions for himself. On the contrary, in very real ways, it forces him to do so. And it is when a person is compelled to make moral decisions contrary to his personal will or physical appetites that, as a person, he asserts those qualitites of his human being – namely reason and rational will – which distinguish himself from the rest of the created world. Therefore, rather than robbing a Christian of his human dignitiy and self-determination, the Church actually demands it and provides us with the best means of achieving it.

 

This thread is definitely worth a read for those of us who are feeling alone and conflicted.