Starting again in 2012

Another year has gone by, a blog empty, abandoned. This must change.

Last year was one that ushered in a lot of change for me.

Some unusual events and a chance meeting provided the closure I needed to a 4 year question. It’s not every day you meet the the other guy, whom was as unaware of you as much as you of him. Listening to his story, I discover he was treated in much the same way as I. There was no anger or hatred for him: he was just an unknowing victim. We each provided the other missing the pieces. He had no idea there was yet another guy, but I was able to fill him in there and I think in the end we helped each other close very messy chapters in our lives. On Bastille Day, a great fire roared, and mementos kept from a 5 year lie were burnt as offerings to a new beginning. Norman Lindasy would have understood: abridged revisions don’t count.

I also came to realise a composition from 2008 related to the above issue was in fact complete. Somehow before, I could never hear the hope in the music that rose from the deep canyon of despair I had found myself in. One of the few pieces I have titled, it really does offer beginnings from endings.

This year, I have a new home, a place to call my own. Life has begun to move again. I can once again see the picture clearly, conceived so many years ago. I have renewed friendships both near and afar, and made progress on personal goals set long ago.

That said, I owe much to my family and close friends, the rock upon which the foundations of my life rest. But this rock was given to me by yet another, much neglected benefactor.

My spiritual being is like an abandoned garden. Weeds have taken hold throughout and everything is an overgrown jungle, entangled in confusion. My project for this year is to tend to this garden, and rediscover the centre of my life.

One of my biggest hurdles is how to overcome the shame in being honest about who and what I am. I have come to question it of late. Certainly, if I had a choice, this is not the life I would choose. Marriage and family are desirable, but is it a lie to attempt to pursue this? Such a life would certainly be easier, and more accepted, the path commonly travelled. Whilst I haven no illusions that such a life does not have its own struggles, at the end of the day there is someone to share with, and children to devote my life to. Drawing up my last will and testament really brought this home.

It all really boils down to identity yet again. Why can’t I be comfortable with who I am? Why do I have such strong fear of being rejected by those around me? What is the purpose of my life?

Ashamedly, I have realised the last few years I have introverted myself, and havn’t put myself out there to help others. This year I have to return to what I was.

Good luck to all of you in 2012…make this year count!

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Identity and a Personal Story of a fellow blogger

Ben over at Saved by Zero, has written his own personal story on growing up as a Catholic with SSA.

Thanks for sharing with it with us Ben.

I’d also direct you to look at his other post for that day on Sexual Identity.

Josh

Identity and what defines us

Today in my wordpress browsing, I came across a blog where the post of the day discussed how homosexual relationships had higher compatibility than heterosexual relationships. You can read Pat’s post here…

Here is my response

Your post is tending to say “Gay relationships are highly driven by sex” which then implies they do not really have any long lasting deep emotional connections.

I am an SSA man, but I don’t have that same sex drive, and if anything, I see in myself a higher level of EQ than some men. And for me, I am looking for that deep emotional attachment in a relationship first and foremost.

Also, I know lots of straight men who don’t have the voracious appetites for sexual pleasure that you say men have. And they have deep emotional attachment to their wives. I will accept this is not as common, but it does exist.

Additionally, I feel your comment on Gays and Lesbians considered as ethnic groups as further isolating homosexual people. Ethnic ghettos are bad news, you can see this experience all over the world. If people don’t mix out there in the world, we tend to be blinkered, and very limited in our thoughts and experiences. How can we understand one another if we stay on our side, and they stay on theirs, and never interact? This even goes on inside the homosexual community, with gays discriminating against lesbians, and even worse, amongst themselves.

And perhaps this is why I prefer to use SSA (Same-Sex-Attracted) rather than gay in describing myself, because gay has become, like you say, an ethnicity. There is too much baggage. I am attracted to men. Period. The rest is superfluous, a stereotype and lifestyle that people are brainwashed into thinking they must subscribe to. I am a lot more than my SSA. It doesn’t define who I am, it is merely a part of my human complexity.

Yes, it hasn’t been easy for homosexual people in the past, and we have needed a loud voice to be heard and get the rights and freedoms that have been hard won to date, but it is now time for homosexual people to evaluate what is happening now.

We have been fighting for equality, for the right to live the same as anyone else in society, but now we are tending to exclusivity, isolation, and separation from everyone else through the “gay” lifestyle.

Shouldn’t we be looking to build on our victories, and instead continue to strive for acceptance, and to be integrated into our heterogeneous world.

And just to avoid misinterpretation:
Heterogeneous: diverse in character or content.

In my opinion, sexual orientation does not define us, but rather is just a part of our human complexity.

Apart from this, there is the separation, segregation, isolation and exclusion of anyone else who does not belong to the lifestyle. Pat says

“Gays and lesbians can be considered ethnic groups. As such, we share a certain humor, culture and experience. We are drawn together and made stronger as a group by social marginalization. Homosexual relationships can benefit from this by having more in common with each other.”

Isolation is not an answer to marginalisation. It can only make things worse. This idea that gays and lesbians are an ethnic group seems dangerous to me. This “ghettofication” only serves to further widen the chasm between homosexuals and heterosexuals.

What do you think?