One comment on “The world is large and small, both at the same time

  1. Josh, My name is Emil and I just ran into your blog. I am a man who lived the gay lifestyle for 25+ years and as I lived a life that was filled with depravity, I prayed for God to show me the way when I said my prayers at night. Even if there was a man I had picked up sleeping next to me, I would pray for him, too. Eventually, I even became hooked on porn (1994-1996) since I stopped fooling around: I was in love and my heart was being slowly broken, so I turned to porn, lots of beer, marijuana and cigarettes. It was really disgusting. I had a silent heart attack (could have been while watching porn in the latter part of 1996 — scary, huh? — but it would still be more than three years before my total conversion.

    In the year 2000, at the age of 44, God, who had been answering my prayers despite my sinfulness, led me our of the gay bars on a significant day (I don’t know if you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day on February 14 in Australia), and then I returned to the Church, submitted myself to it and to Jesus Christ during Lent, and my life changed. I have been completely and absolutely chaste — no help in any area — for 14-1/2 years and I plan to continue on my path to God.

    This summer, something started happening to me and I reached the point where men, whom I had come to accept as fellow human beings, began to appear more alluring. However, what might have been the catalyst to a new awakening was the message I received from a married man with SSA who reached out to me for help. We’ve developed a disinterred friendship, but relating to him made me aware of how deeply I needed a male friend who understood my mind, so to speak.

    I talked to my priest as I began to counsel this young man, and again last week. He told me he sensed I was genuine and to continue on my path. And what I have come to realize is that I was treating sex with much scruple, so as not to offend God, and that I needed to allow my mind to visit certain aspects of my psyche without dwelling on the sins of my past. I have found it very helpful, and somehow I felt called to share this with you.

    If you became disenchanted with the Church, Josh, please take into account that ‘yes’ all of us constitute the Church, but when human beings, including priests, fail us, we must keep our eyes fixed on the Divinity of the Church, Jesus Christ. We will all encounter difficult periods, but we must never let the Culture of Death try to guide us down the wrong path. Holiness is so beautiful, and chastity is beautiful, too, even when you go through periods of time when you want physical contact, as I do now. However, I will certainly not let my Jesus Christ down. He’s been so kind to me, especially as I dangled over the abyss. Now I look forward to going to Mass and receiving Him in the Eucharist. Once, I didn’t go to Mass at all and tried to justify why it was OK to be watching porn, instead.

    I am in the greater Austin metropolitan area in Texas. When I lived in Houston, I had the honor of meeting the Australians at the Australian Consulate before it closed its regional consulate in the early 90s. I found that Texans and Australians have a lot in common since we are friendly and outgoing, generally speaking.

    My hope and prayer is that if you somehow were turned off by the Catholic Church and/or returned to your previous lifestyle, you will reconsider. You’re in my prayers. May God bless you and all whom you love abundantly. Having reached out to others, you are still touching hearts. Now I reach out to you in case you need it and tell you, “Jesus loves you”.


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