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Disconnected… 27 August 2008

Posted by sydcatholic80 in Uncategorized.
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Just something I was feeling, thought I should write it down.

How many of us go through life with blinkers on?

It is a complete shock when you fall off the road, and when you pick yourself up again, if you have had an epiphany, all of a sudden you find you don’t fit in anywhere anymore. You look at the road you fell off, and know that you can’t get back on there, and you don’t really want to in any case (putting aside nostalgia, romanticism or regret). You could if you wanted to choose ignorance again, and pretend you didn’t discover life wasn’t meant to be that way, but otherwise, the past is closed to you.

Alas when you look around, there is no where else for you to go either.

That is where I am now.

I have no idea which way to turn, or in what direction I should be looking in.

There doesn’t seem to be any place for me to turn to.

This is isolation. This is loneliness.

Identity and what defines us 24 May 2008

Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.
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Today in my wordpress browsing, I came across a blog where the post of the day discussed how homosexual relationships had higher compatibility than heterosexual relationships. You can read Pat’s post here…

Here is my response

Your post is tending to say “Gay relationships are highly driven by sex” which then implies they do not really have any long lasting deep emotional connections.

I am an SSA man, but I don’t have that same sex drive, and if anything, I see in myself a higher level of EQ than some men. And for me, I am looking for that deep emotional attachment in a relationship first and foremost.

Also, I know lots of straight men who don’t have the voracious appetites for sexual pleasure that you say men have. And they have deep emotional attachment to their wives. I will accept this is not as common, but it does exist.

Additionally, I feel your comment on Gays and Lesbians considered as ethnic groups as further isolating homosexual people. Ethnic ghettos are bad news, you can see this experience all over the world. If people don’t mix out there in the world, we tend to be blinkered, and very limited in our thoughts and experiences. How can we understand one another if we stay on our side, and they stay on theirs, and never interact? This even goes on inside the homosexual community, with gays discriminating against lesbians, and even worse, amongst themselves.

And perhaps this is why I prefer to use SSA (Same-Sex-Attracted) rather than gay in describing myself, because gay has become, like you say, an ethnicity. There is too much baggage. I am attracted to men. Period. The rest is superfluous, a stereotype and lifestyle that people are brainwashed into thinking they must subscribe to. I am a lot more than my SSA. It doesn’t define who I am, it is merely a part of my human complexity.

Yes, it hasn’t been easy for homosexual people in the past, and we have needed a loud voice to be heard and get the rights and freedoms that have been hard won to date, but it is now time for homosexual people to evaluate what is happening now.

We have been fighting for equality, for the right to live the same as anyone else in society, but now we are tending to exclusivity, isolation, and separation from everyone else through the “gay” lifestyle.

Shouldn’t we be looking to build on our victories, and instead continue to strive for acceptance, and to be integrated into our heterogeneous world.

And just to avoid misinterpretation:
Heterogeneous: diverse in character or content.

In my opinion, sexual orientation does not define us, but rather is just a part of our human complexity.

Apart from this, there is the separation, segregation, isolation and exclusion of anyone else who does not belong to the lifestyle. Pat says

“Gays and lesbians can be considered ethnic groups. As such, we share a certain humor, culture and experience. We are drawn together and made stronger as a group by social marginalization. Homosexual relationships can benefit from this by having more in common with each other.”

Isolation is not an answer to marginalisation. It can only make things worse. This idea that gays and lesbians are an ethnic group seems dangerous to me. This “ghettofication” only serves to further widen the chasm between homosexuals and heterosexuals.

What do you think?

 

 

Lifeline 22 May 2008

Posted by sydcatholic80 in Stories.
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Firstly, I would like to say I am eternally grateful this service exists here in Australia. I am sure that it helps so many people on a regular basis.

Today, I made a call to Lifeline. Over the last few months, I have considered calling Lifeline to talk with someone, but I have never been big on the idea of counselling. I am a very private person, and I thought I would have difficulty to discuss such intimate details of myself with someone else.

But, I was quite surprised in the end how easy it became as the conversation drew on. 

I have not been coping well with stress at the moment. It is drawing to the end of the semester, there are lots of assignments due, and exams approaching, and recent events have just taken so much out of me, there is barely anything left to deal with all this.

I woke this morning extremely depressed, with a high amount of anxiety. I dropped my mother and sister off at the station, and returned home to an empty house. At the moment, this is the worst thing for me, to be alone. I received an sms from a very close friend, and sent off a reply. I logged into my computer, saw a friend on msn. He is at work, so we only chatted briefly. His fiance is was on facebook, and likewise she is at work. We chatted briefly, but understandable they are busy. My sister also gave me a quick call from work. I had tried to call her earlier but she was unavailable. 

The net result of all of this, is I am alone. Isolated. I said a prayer. It still did not change how I felt.

I looked up the Lifeline number on their website. I wasn’t sure if I should call. Would I be tying the line up for someone who needed it more, but I saw on the website, it is also for people feeling isolated or alone. After some consideration, I got the courage to pick up the phone and dial the number. After a quick announcement, an operator picked up the call. It all happened so fast, I was tempted to hang up in panic. But I stayed on, and eventually over a significant period of time, I had recalled my story, warts and all. Some details took particular courage. 

But it did help. I did not feel alone. 

The next steps, see university counsellor, see a LifeLine counsellor. I will have to do the former, and still thinking about the latter.

But, I cannot stress how important these services are to society. It’s hard to appreciate something until you need it.