Some excellent reading from my sister in faith at Emphatic Asterisk 10 August 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in Stories, homosexuality, same sex attraction.Tags: catholicism, christianity, gay, gay catholic, religion, same sex attraction, SSA
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I have been very much in hibernation over the winter, but I am waking up now 
Lindsay has been doing some wonderful writing over on her blog, so I am posting links here to her recent writing. It is definitely worth a read, including the the comments. There is a lot to be gained from the discussion that goes on, and Lindsay’s posts attract some great discussion. Anyhow, here they are.
What your church can gain from Homosexuals
Gay people don’t need you to fix them
Happy reading.
Josh
Counseling, WYD and other matters. 25 July 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, same sex attraction.Tags: abuse victims, catholic, christian, christianity, compassion, Counseling, gay, gay catholic, same sex attracted, same sex attraction, SSA, World Youth Day, WYD
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It takes a long time for wounds to heal, especially when the cut is 5 years deep. And it doesn’t take a lot to reopen them either. Luckily, if you are surrounded by caring people, they are able to help you through. A a little professional assistance can help too, especially when that outside help is emotionally removed from the whole situation.
In all my years, I have always been afraid to seek outside help for my problems, but on this occasion, I have had to accept it lest I was to remain in a debilitated state.
I am still not convinced, but I will admit I have been feeling better for it.
WYD occurred last week, unfortunately I missed much of it. My family was quite involved, being volunteers over the city. And many friends were hosts to pilgrims. Good reports all around.
There were a number of SSA support events too, two of which I knew about. One official, one unofficial. I attended neither of them, although a part of me thinks I missed out on a chance. Spiritually, I still have a lot of growing to do.
I was disappointed by a certain lack of compassion on the part of the Church in the way they handled the abuse victims. Cardinal Pell seemed extremely cold, and his whole demeanor in the staged press conferences was one of utter inconvenience, irritation and disinterest in the plight of those genuinely wronged. And after the secretive event held with four unnamed abused victims, he took on a tone of vindication, and practically washed his hands saying all had been put right! I think there is a long way for the Church to come in reconciling these matters.
And the answer, might I add, is not a witch-hunt to find SSA priests. I’m sure a great many SSA priests live out their spiritual lives in complete communion with God, and do not seek sinful passions in the way a small minority have done.
Over the last few weeks, I have befriended a Religious Order Priest (as opposed to a Diocesan Priest) out there in the world. Gives me hope that there is compassion for us out there. And for the last few months, I have another good SSA friend out there in the world, part of a lay religious order who has offered untold friendship, support and spiritual advice.
I am not anti Church, I am seeking better understanding and compassion from those out there who do not know what it is like to walk in these shoes.
For a short time I participated in the Courage On Line (COL) yahoo group. Unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion it’s not for me, and I don’t think I would be prepared to attend a local chapter if one started in Sydney. It probably does helps some people, but I find the constant reminder that we are broken, fallen people very unhelpful. That is not to say that I’m perfect, or that we start telling lies to suit ourselves, but I feel that people in my situation are emotionally fragile, and need some better support other than the trite, throw-away cliches that are consistently used.
To those on my prayer circle page, I continue to keep you in my prayers. Thank you for your prayers too.
Until my next post…
Catholic Church and 2nd class citizens 23 June 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, same sex attraction.Tags: catholic, catholicism, christian, christianity, compassion, gay, gay catholic, homosexual, homosexuality, marriage, religion, same sex attracted, same sex attraction, sin, SSA
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I have been reading a lot of writing on the internet in regards to the Catholic Church’s response to SSA (gay) Priests. It is an appalling state of affairs that the Church is scapegoating SSA priests as the excuse for the sexual abuse of children that has come to light in recent years.
I can honestly say, that I find the very idea of any form of child abuse extremely appalling, let alone sexual abuse. But the Church seems convinced that homosexuality is the cause of paedophilia. It’s very cruel for those of us out there who are SSA to be lumped in like that. The result of this action is to foster hatred for people who are homosexual people.
I suppose it comes with the territory, where sins of murder and rape are commonly compared to homosexual acts, usually with the latter being more heinous than anything else.
The other common thing to say is that homosexual’s are “fallen”, and thus just more sinful than anyone else.
The church is certainly discriminatory and has classes of people. Even disabled people are a lesser class. Just recently a story about a couple where the groom was a paraplegic, and hence impotent, and the Bishop denied them the opportunity to marry.
This just opened up a whole can of worms for me. Reading deeper into church teaching on marraige, it seems the Sacrament of marriage is not complete until it is consumated! This is in canon law.
Note that the same standard does not apply for an infertile couple. So they can marry, but their union will not include children, ie not open to procreation, but that is ok. Its the sex that is important. Its what completes the sacrament. And there is a thread where things get so involved inside the bedrooms of couples as to what is acceptable sex? Permissible sex
I think the whole gay marriage debate should be closed. SSA people don’t need marriage. They just need legal protection in terms of finances, next of kin, visitation rights in hospital etc. And really, these are not only for homosexual couples, but for any two people who are living together, eg two sisters, or close friends.
Some of the real fire in my mind has come from the Catholic Forum. I’ll post the links here to the discussion. I have found some of the topics, as well as the responses of ordinary Catholic people very striking in their closed-minded, judgmental manner.
Homosexual Intercourse vs. Suicide
Catholics: Can homosexual sex acts really be commited in “invincible ignorance” ?
So is it impossible to argue against same-sex marriage?
There is a certain thoughtlessness, lack of charity and compassion from many people who do not understand what kind of emotional turmoil it is to be SSA and Catholic. They just like to lecture to you and quote biblical passages, or use trite catchphrases like “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. Even when you are not arguing against Catholic and Scriptural teaching.
I guess what I am getting at here is that many Catholics do not like to follow this line from the Catechism:
“2358 … They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided…”
Just a rant I guess.
A prayer for those who live alone (or feel alone) 30 May 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in prayer.Tags: catholic, catholicism, christian, christianity, gay, homosexual, homosexuality, loneliness, prayer, religion, SSA
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I came across this prayer on the net, and wanted to share it with you:
I live alone, dear Lord, stay by my side
In all my daily needs be Thou my guide.
Grant me good health, for that indeed, I pray
To carry on my work from day to day.
Keep pure my mind, my thoughts, my every deed,
Let me be kind, unselfish in my neighbor’s need.
Spare me from fire, from flood, malicious tongues,
From thieves, from fear, and evil ones.
If sickness or an accident befall,
Then humbly, Lord, I pray hear,
Thou my call, And when I’m feeling low, or in despair,
Lift up my heart and help me in my prayer.
I live alone, dear Lord, yet have no fear,
Because I feel Your Presence ever near.
Amen.
To those who feel alone, there are people out there praying for you.
Josh
SSA Relationships 30 May 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.Tags: catechism, catholic, chastity, christian, christianity, companionship, gay, gay relationship, homosexual, homosexuality, loneliness, relationships, religion, same sex attraction, same sex cohabitation, SSA
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After a little bit more reading, the waters become murky again.
There are a lot of conflicting arguments on what sort of relationship two Catholic SSA people can have.
Reading more posts on http://forums.catholic.com, the advice is that people with SSA are expected to live according to the Church’s teachings and carry their cross of chastity. Not only that, but we are expected to live alone, but know that we aren’t really alone as we have God in our lives.
There are, however examples out there, that prove two Catholic SSA people can live together, in a chaste lifestyle. David Morrison’s life is an example of such a relationship. He calls it friendship, but I still think it is more than this.
Discussion on Dreadnought also seems to indicate there is room for two SSA people to share an intense, close relationship, while not involving sexual acts. He sites an example of such close friendship between John Henry Cardinal Newman and Ambrose St. John.
Likewise, an example of two saints, St Sergius and St Bacchus, is mentioned on the Acceptance Sydney website.
I go back to my argument that God created a companion for Adam so that he would not be alone. I don’t think he ever intended man to be alone, we are not made that way. And yes, he has created people with SSA. I have been created this way. It obviously can’t be a mistake. But even so, I still require that close companionship that heterosexual people call marriage.
Update later:
Lindsey over at *! [emphatic asterisk] has written an interesting piece today on Attraction and Potential. Her point is that while physical attraction may play a part in two people getting together, there has to be a lot more for it to become anything meaningful, and all people, homosexual or heterosexual, need and want that more meaningful aspect in their lives.
On a side note, I have to add, this last week has been deeply encouraging. I have had a few people contact me through this website. It helps to know that one is not alone out there. For those who find this blog and are burdened, I hope that it brings you some comfort, and helps to answer some of the questions that don’t seem to have answers.
God Bless,
Josh
Should SSA Catholic’s Have Boyfriends? – Thread on the Facebook group “Dreadnoughters” 27 May 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.Tags: catholic, catholicism, christianity, gay, gay catholic, homosexual, homosexuality, love, relationships, religion, same sex attraction, SSA
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I decided to take a peek at John Heard’s group “Dreadnoughters” on Facebook. It has a discussion board, and I think it is fostering a lot of healthy debate on topical issues.
I found this thread “Should SSA Catholics Have Boyfriends?“.
I feel, given what was discussed here, that there is hope for SSA Catholic’s seeking to have fulfilling and holy relationships.
Erik Huntzicker had this to say at the end of the thread:
“People, and institutions, can be wrong.”
But God cannot be wrong. Catholics believe that the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ, i.e. God, and therefore entrusted it with the guardianship of His truth. The moral teaching of the Church – especially when seen as also guided by the Holy Spirit – is therefore not seen as a human invention, an institutional behavior code, but as the command of God himself.
Therefore, if one stipulates to the divinity of Christ and to the fact the He founded the Catholic Church, then the Church’s teachings MUST be viewed as authoritative.
This does not mean that the Church has something to say on every little detail of life. For instance, it is clear that the Church teaches homogenital sex to be wrong. But the Church is silent on whether two men who are homosexually inclined can live together in chastity for the purposes of mutual love and support. In these cases the Church teaches the Christian to invoke prudential judgment and use his conscience – hopefully well formed – to make the best decision.
So there is considerable freedom to act within the Catholic moral framework, given that the intent of the one acting is in the spirit of Catholic moral teaching and for the greater glory of God. This is where a “faithful SSA Catholic” – or any faithful Catholic – can become mightily confused. It is expected that people of good will will disagree on many matters governed by “prudential judgment”.
Having this “externally imposed” moral structure does not relieve the Catholic of making moral decisions for himself. On the contrary, in very real ways, it forces him to do so. And it is when a person is compelled to make moral decisions contrary to his personal will or physical appetites that, as a person, he asserts those qualitites of his human being – namely reason and rational will – which distinguish himself from the rest of the created world. Therefore, rather than robbing a Christian of his human dignitiy and self-determination, the Church actually demands it and provides us with the best means of achieving it.
This thread is definitely worth a read for those of us who are feeling alone and conflicted.
Homosexuality – The scapegoat of choice used by Religion 27 May 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, same sex attraction.Tags: Add new tag, catholic, catholicism, christian, christianity, compassion, evil, faith, gay, homosexual, homosexuality, judgement, loneliness, religion, same sex attraction, sprituality, SSA, support
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27/05/2008 Update:
I would just like to say here to my readers, I am not attacking religious institutions for their teachings, nor do I intend disrespect or disobedience to the Catholic teachings. I am simply raising the fact of unfair discrimination and hatred towards people just because they are homosexual. This is not what Jesus would do. And we have history to show it is not right: Treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany, Slavery and violence towards African Americans, even the genocide in Bosnia. I think the same Christian attitude of love, respect and tolerance for the person should be shown towards homosexual people too.
I am writing this post after having read many religious discussion boards and other articles on the internet.
I am hugely concerned at the language and tone when used to discuss homosexuality. It seems people like to tar homosexual people with the same brush, used for criminal acts such as rape, pedophilia, murder and the like.
Words such as vile and disgusting are commonly part of discussion on the topic. Generalisations and assumptions are made. There is a lot of hate and prejudice out there. There is a lack of the respect, compassion and sensitivity called for by the Catechism, and a lot of the unjust discrimination is taking place. Even as far as 9/11 being blamed on homosexuals. There is a lot of sin in the world, much more abhorrent than simply being homosexual. This is sheer madness.
The recent child sex abuse scandal has likewise led to a witch-hunt, conveniently labeling the perpetrator of evil as homosexuality. I am not defending the actions of the offenders, on the contrary it is heinous to harm a child in anyway.
It is such bigotry and ignorance that lead to assumptions of homosexuality, and judgements made on people who are SSA. Is this not similar to the way Jews were portrayed as the evil in Germany? And the “black” people in the world? Anyone who is different, for whom we make no attempt to understand.
I seem to have had the misfortune of being born SSA, something which I had no choice over. Does this imply that I was also born evil? Do not all men have the capacity for evil? Why is it that Church’s are not hunting down men who commit adultery against their wives and families? Or those that have free sex with many women, even prostitutes? Or all the men who masturbate and view pornography? What about all the Catholics and Christians who download computer programs, CD’s and DVD’s from the internet? This is theft after all. Somehow being a homosexual is heinous, to be equated with rape or paedophilia.
I am not saying I am perfect, but I am not inherently evil. I have a strong faith in God, and am a very spiritual person. I participate in my church community, and give my time to help anyone who needs it. I have been celibate for a while now. If I am trying, why should anyone look at me differently, and judge me to be evil, or more capable of evil than anyone else?
Ultimately God is the Judge, and he can see into our hearts, and read our minds. He knows what is inside.
I know, I am a person full of love, faith, and tolerance for the diversity of God’s creation. I am human, but I am trying hard, and praying that I can live out the truth and values of my faith.
I am hoping that over time, people will learn, and that the words in the Catechism of the Catholic Church are understood and practiced by all Christians. I hope that bigotry, ignorance, intolerance, hatred and violence towards homosexuality will be replaced with love, compassion, support and understanding. It is a lonely path to walk, and SSA people need all the help we can get.
Identity and what defines us 24 May 2008
Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.Tags: discrimination, gay, homosexual, homosexuality, identity, isolation, love, relationships, same sex attraction, stereotypes
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Today in my wordpress browsing, I came across a blog where the post of the day discussed how homosexual relationships had higher compatibility than heterosexual relationships. You can read Pat’s post here…
Here is my response
Your post is tending to say “Gay relationships are highly driven by sex” which then implies they do not really have any long lasting deep emotional connections.
I am an SSA man, but I don’t have that same sex drive, and if anything, I see in myself a higher level of EQ than some men. And for me, I am looking for that deep emotional attachment in a relationship first and foremost.
Also, I know lots of straight men who don’t have the voracious appetites for sexual pleasure that you say men have. And they have deep emotional attachment to their wives. I will accept this is not as common, but it does exist.
Additionally, I feel your comment on Gays and Lesbians considered as ethnic groups as further isolating homosexual people. Ethnic ghettos are bad news, you can see this experience all over the world. If people don’t mix out there in the world, we tend to be blinkered, and very limited in our thoughts and experiences. How can we understand one another if we stay on our side, and they stay on theirs, and never interact? This even goes on inside the homosexual community, with gays discriminating against lesbians, and even worse, amongst themselves.
And perhaps this is why I prefer to use SSA (Same-Sex-Attracted) rather than gay in describing myself, because gay has become, like you say, an ethnicity. There is too much baggage. I am attracted to men. Period. The rest is superfluous, a stereotype and lifestyle that people are brainwashed into thinking they must subscribe to. I am a lot more than my SSA. It doesn’t define who I am, it is merely a part of my human complexity.
Yes, it hasn’t been easy for homosexual people in the past, and we have needed a loud voice to be heard and get the rights and freedoms that have been hard won to date, but it is now time for homosexual people to evaluate what is happening now.
We have been fighting for equality, for the right to live the same as anyone else in society, but now we are tending to exclusivity, isolation, and separation from everyone else through the “gay” lifestyle.
Shouldn’t we be looking to build on our victories, and instead continue to strive for acceptance, and to be integrated into our heterogeneous world.
And just to avoid misinterpretation:
Heterogeneous: diverse in character or content.
In my opinion, sexual orientation does not define us, but rather is just a part of our human complexity.
Apart from this, there is the separation, segregation, isolation and exclusion of anyone else who does not belong to the lifestyle. Pat says
“Gays and lesbians can be considered ethnic groups. As such, we share a certain humor, culture and experience. We are drawn together and made stronger as a group by social marginalization. Homosexual relationships can benefit from this by having more in common with each other.”
Isolation is not an answer to marginalisation. It can only make things worse. This idea that gays and lesbians are an ethnic group seems dangerous to me. This “ghettofication” only serves to further widen the chasm between homosexuals and heterosexuals.
What do you think?
