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More on same-sex cohabitation – Can SSA Catholics live together? 27 May 2008

Posted by sydcatholic80 in homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.
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2 comments

In my constant search for understanding, I have joined a Catholic forum. Here is my query, and the very kind Fr. Vincent has replied so quickly.

sydcatholic80 May 25, ‘08 11:54 pm

 

  

How does a Catholic with same sex attraction cope with loneliness?
 
I have done much soul searching, and reading on the internet.
I accept what the Catholic Church says through the Catechism on this issue. I can accept that in upholding my faith, the Catholic Church teaches I must be celibate (as is the case for anyone who is not married). This does not trouble me.     

What is troubling me, and there does not seem to be answer on this point, can two Catholics who are homosexual live together in a relationship that is celibate, but filled with love and closeness? Is this sort of relationship acceptable?

It is a frightening thought to have to spend the rest of my life alone, and I am praying hard. Is my outlook so bleak? Did God intend for me to have to live my life alone?

Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

Joshua
Fr. Vincent Serpa May 26, ‘08 1:12 pm

 

  

Re: Being Catholic and Homosexual
 
Dear Joshua,     

That’s a great name you have there! The Church would frown on two people of the same sex with same sex attraction living together because it could easily be an occasion of sin for them. It would be safer it one of them did not have same sex attractions. But living with someone is no guarantee against loneliness. One can be surrounded be people and be lonely. On the other hand, one can live alone and not be lonely. The key lies in the difference between loneliness and solitude. People try to flee from loneliness, but actually seek solitude. 

For the Christian, solitude is not just the absence of the commotion and activity of the crowd. It is the state of being alone while realizing that one is not alone. It comes from confronting loneliness by going inside and finding that God has been there all along. This is what the contemplative does. Reflecting on Good Friday and confronting the pain that our Savior endured for us is to begin to know what it means to be loved. It is to know the Companion of our lives who never leaves us excluded and alone. I encourage you to spend time before the tabernacle in His Eucharistic presence. You may contact me privately here by clicking on my name if you want to discuss this further. You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

I can understand the points he has put to me, and I plan to reflect on this. I notice, just like in my last post, that there is no scriptural basis, or Church law that prevents two people to live chaste lives together.

It might be “frowned upon”, but the Church leaves room for ones own conscience for guidance in matters where there is no explicit direction. 

updated later:

I have also seen reference to creating scandal. I must say, why do we worry what our neighbour does? We cannot see into his heart and mind to know what their intent is, so how can we judge them? Should we be judging them? God is ultimately our judge. Jesus also said, remove the stake from your own eye, before removing the splinter from your brothers eye. If two people are living together, we shouldn’t be presuming sin. Even the law of the land has a presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Life is a constant battle with sin and temptation. In reflecting on my life to date, this is very true. Now with my eyes more open than they have been for some time, I am more aware of myself, and I pray each day to remain in a state of grace. 

I know I have the internal fortitude, and with my prayers, and those of my friends, family and church community, and knowing the love of God, I can overcome my temptations.

I believe though, that love is something God gave us all, and Jesus demonstrated that love repeatedly while on this earth, and through His ultimate sacrifice for us. I do not believe that my love for another is sinful. And I don’t believe He would lead me into a life of loneliness. My own conscience tells me I am capable of loving someone deeply in a chaste way. My own conscience tells me two people can love and support each other in this way. This world does not care for those who are alone, how is it fair to expect someone to then to have to live alone? I don’t believe God would condemn me for seeking out a companion for life.

I’m not trying to be provocative, nor disrespectful or disobedient to the Catholic Church and Her teachings, but I am merely trying to raise some discussion on a point, and discover the answers to my questions.

I think debate is a healthy mechanism in discovering the truth.

Well those are my thoughts for today. Always happy for comments.

Homosexuality – Catholic vs Protestant reactions 22 May 2008

Posted by sydcatholic80 in Stories, homosexuality, relationships, same sex attraction.
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2 comments

I know, this is now post number 4 for today. But after speaking to my friend tonight, I felt motivated to write. I apologise if it seems I tar all Protestant churches with same brush; I do not seek to single them out, but rather, I am trying to relate the story of a brother in Christ, and his personal battle with SSA in his Christian life.

I have always thought of all religions to have a hostile stance towards homosexual people, but tonight I realise that the Catholic Church actually has compassion for people with SSA. 

In my reading on this topic, I have been made aware of organisations who are there to cure SSA people of their homosexuality and put them on the “straight” path so to speak. These ex-gay organisations use agressive therapy to cure. Some that come to mind are Exodus International, NARTH, Courage.

While these organisations seem well intentioned, I believe they are treading dangerous ground. The jury is not out on what causes SSA, so any applied therapy is at best a stab in the dark, and the possible ramifications of these attempted conversions on SSA persons is unknown. It could cause possible mental, emotional and spiritual damage, and have possible repercussions on future heterosexual partners and families.

I will direct you at this point to have a read of this article on John Heard’s site Dreadnought, which outlines the Catechism relating to homosexuality. John has covered it well so I won’t repeat it all here. But I will pull out some salient points. 

“2357 … It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained.”

To date, there is no conclusion as to where SSA originates from. Is it genetic? Nature or Nurture? 2357 shows that the Catholic church acknowledges there is currently no answer, and thus is not attempting to draw conclusions from where no data exists.

“2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.”

“2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.”

These two sections show that the Catholic Church’s acknowledges SSA does exist, and calls for compassion, dignity and respect towards people who are SSA. They call for a life of chastity, but no where are they calling for the SSA person to submit themselves to psychotherapy or other forms of conversion.

My friend comes from the Protestant tradition, and is currently having a hard time from his church. He has experienced what I believe to be terribly un-Christian behaviour. He has been thrown out of a number of churches on suspicion of being homosexual (even though he was not actively seeking a homosexual lifestyle, and from my conversations with him, he has not even participated in a homosexual act to date).

Lately, he has sought counsel from his pastor, and is now being asked to submit to ex-gay therapy for conversion to a “straight” life. And although he has served in a ministry with dignity and the faith of Christ, because he refuses to submit to this therapy, he is now barred from any service in ministry.

I cannot believe this has happened! Jesus came for everyone, not just the virtuous. Judgement is reserved for the Lord God alone, and we are expected to show charity, compassion and mercy to our brothers and sisters on this earth.

This is one area that highlights the differences between Catholic and Protestant traditions. It makes me feel happy that I am a Catholic, and sad that we cannot as Christians unite in living as Jesus taught us.

The hope of eternal life through Christ
I will finish with a quote near the end of John’s post, as I feel it gives real hope to SSA Catholics and Christians in knowing that a life lived in celibacy is not necessarily a life sentance of isolation and loneliness:

“Indeed, depending on the strength of one’s will-power (and the Church does not expect men to be perfect, only to try as hard as humanly possible to be so) such a teaching could even leave room for deeply intense, passionate friendships, boyfriends and male with male unions.”